Showing posts with label Funny Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Stuff. Show all posts
Rules for life - lifted from great minds around the net :)
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
- Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
- Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
- A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.
- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.
- It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
- If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved it’s full potential, that word would be ‘meetings’.
- There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Never lick a steak knife.
- The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.
- Your friends love you anyway.
Really?
The athleticism is not in doubt, it's the bug costumes, I mean seriously? You have to admire the determination (I think)!
Computer Wisdom
* There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
* A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
* The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.
* At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
* Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
* Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
* Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
* Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
* Hit any user to continue.
* I wish life had an UNDO function.
* If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
* It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit in the drive.
* Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait
* 665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast
* I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
* My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
* Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.
* "To know recursion, you must first know recursion"
* Life's unfair - but root password helps!
* Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
* Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
* "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
* Intel: We put the "um..." in Pentium.
* Helpdesk tip #2: When the support analyst says "Click...", wait for the rest of the sentence.
* BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
* BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
* All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
* A good programmer makes all the right mistakes.
* Managing programmers is like herding cats.
* "There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true."
* "A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street."
* C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
* A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to Hell," sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful.
* 1010011010 - The binary number of the Beast
* APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key. Application has reported a "Not My Fault" in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F
* "The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a software patch and a user with an idea."
* A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
* The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.
* At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
* Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
* Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
* Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
* Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
* Hit any user to continue.
* I wish life had an UNDO function.
* If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.
* It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit in the drive.
* Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait
* 665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast
* I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
* My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
* Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.
* "To know recursion, you must first know recursion"
* Life's unfair - but root password helps!
* Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
* Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
* "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
* Intel: We put the "um..." in Pentium.
* Helpdesk tip #2: When the support analyst says "Click...", wait for the rest of the sentence.
* BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
* BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
* All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
* A good programmer makes all the right mistakes.
* Managing programmers is like herding cats.
* "There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true."
* "A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street."
* C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
* A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to Hell," sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful.
* 1010011010 - The binary number of the Beast
* APATHY ERROR: Don't bother striking any key. Application has reported a "Not My Fault" in module KRNL.EXE in line 0200:103F
* "The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a software patch and a user with an idea."
IT Quotes ...
2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming be
the process of putting them in.
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing
with inanimate objects.
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it
should be hard to understand."
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Live free or die!
Too much is never enough!
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Practice makes perfect!
Everybody loves to see justice done on somebody else.
Buy a better computer so you can reboot faster.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming be
the process of putting them in.
Makes the world goes round...
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and
you feed him and his family for a lifetime.
Give a man an answer, and today's frustration is gone. Teach him to
program, and he will be frustrated for the rest of his life.
Hit a man on the head with a fish, and he'll have a headache for a day.
This .sig is under construc
No good deed goes unpunished.
My name is Dump, Core Dump.
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!
Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
Disk Full - Press F1 to belch.
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming be
the process of putting them in.
Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing
with inanimate objects.
Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it
should be hard to understand."
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Live free or die!
Too much is never enough!
The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Practice makes perfect!
Everybody loves to see justice done on somebody else.
Buy a better computer so you can reboot faster.
If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming be
the process of putting them in.
Makes the world goes round...
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and
you feed him and his family for a lifetime.
Give a man an answer, and today's frustration is gone. Teach him to
program, and he will be frustrated for the rest of his life.
Hit a man on the head with a fish, and he'll have a headache for a day.
This .sig is under construc
No good deed goes unpunished.
My name is Dump, Core Dump.
Work it...
This video is more than a little weird, but after the slow start, it gets more impressive. I wonder how much practice this took?
Beat the stress with bubble wrap
How can you deny that satisfaction that comes from patiently working your way through a piece of bubble wrap? Ok, maybe you can, but it's still fun. Here for your popping pleasure is a virtual piece I lifted off the net.
Legacy Video Games
I ran across a find today that will make any old gamers wax nostalgic. Check out http://www.everyvideogame.com/play-nes-Contra_(U).htm. Contra and a whole bunch of other NES games are available via an online emulator.
How to pronounce Linux
Another stumble find - to settle the Linux pronunciation debate once and for all, here is audio from Linus Torvalds himself (the original Linux author) pronouncing the word... with a slight accent :) Saying Linux
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)